[Englisch] Auslandsjahrbewerbung kontrollieren *Beendet*

[Brownie]

Hallo,
ein Freund von mir will ein Jahr ins Ausland, nämlich nach Australien. Er hat soeben eine Bewerbung fertiggeschrieben und sucht nun jemanden, der das mal kontrollieren könnte, ob alles in Ordnung ist. Ihr solltet sehr gut Englisch können, was wohl logisch ist.

Hätte jemand Zeit?

EDIT: Es ist nur eine kleine Beschreibung über sich selber und ich hab es eben bekommen. Wäre nett, wenn sich das einer mal anschauen könnte!

I am a 16 years old teenager from Euskirchen near to Cologne, Germany. There I visit the 11th grade of the Emil-Fischer-Gymnasium.
Some of my physical characteristics are being tall, thin, blond-haired and blue-eyed.
I like listening to music, especially rock/pop and soul, but I also play some instruments like the saxophone and the guitar. Therefore I play with a great interest in a big band from a nearby located music school like some of my friends. Some of my other activities are reading and meeting friends.
Further wise I work in an indoor climbing area for earning some money where I also have practise in climbing two times a week. At weekends in summer or autumn, I occasionally spend a few hours of my spare time by a lake near to us where I do meeting friends while windsurfing or just swimming.
In holidays I enjoy travelling with my parents and my 19 years old sister to get knowledge of the different cultures and regimens, what impresses me most, and the different architectures arts of each country. My relationship to my family is usually very good apart some minor incidents. I also enjoy travelling in company of my friends, what I did this year the first time.
Even if it is sometimes a little hard I usually like school, not just because of seeing my friends. As you can see I consider myself as a many-sided and open minded person and that is why I want to spend a time in Australia which is known as many sided as I think I am.

 

[only.fire]

Hallo,
ein Freund von mir will ein Jahr ins Ausland, nämlich nach Australien. Er hat soeben eine Bewerbung fertiggeschrieben und sucht nun jemanden, der das mal kontrollieren könnte, ob alles in Ordnung ist. Ihr solltet sehr gut Englisch können, was wohl logisch ist.

Hätte jemand Zeit?

EDIT: Es ist nur eine kleine Beschreibung über sich selber und ich hab es eben bekommen. Wäre nett, wenn sich das einer mal anschauen könnte!

Ich guck gleich mal drüber,
nur Rechtschreibung/Grammatik oder auch Stil?

 

[Brownie]

Ich guck gleich mal drüber,
nur Rechtschreibung/Grammatik oder auch Stil?

Danke, er meint alles.

 

[only.fire]

I am a 16 years old teenager from Euskirchen near to Cologne, Germany. There I visit the 11th grade of the Emil-Fischer-Gymnasium.
Some of my physical characteristics are being tall, thin, blond-haired and blue-eyed. [für mich völlig überflüssiger Satz, das kommt aus dem Ganzkörperfoto was dabei sein sollte eg hervor...]
I like listening to music, especially rock/pop and soul, but I also play some instruments like the saxophone and the guitar. Therefore I play with a great interest in a big band in a near located music school like some of my friends, as well. Some of my other favourite activities are reading [den playboy oder was? Bücher? dazuschreiben!] and meeting friends.
Further wise I work in an indoor climbing center [passt besser] to earn some money. Right there I have practised climbing two times a week [Hast du oder machst du noch?]. At weekends in summer or autumn, I occasionally spend a few hours of my spare time [willst du damit mitleid erwecken? ] by a lake which is located near myself. There I meet my friends during sports like windsurfing or just swimming.
In holidays I enjoy travelling with my parents and my 19 years old sister to get knowledge of the different cultures and regimens [das klingt seeehr gelogen ?!?], which impresses me most, and the different architecture styles of each country. My relationship to my family is usually very good apart of some minor incidents. I also enjoy travelling in a group with my friends, which I did this year the first time. [meinst du einen sprachurlaub? dann sag language-course!]
Even if it is sometimes a little hard I usually like school, not just because of meeting my friends. [weswegen denn? um lehrern auf die möpse zu gucken? erläutern! ]As you can see I consider myself as a many-sided and open minded person and that is why I want to spend some time in Australia which is known as many sided as I think I am.

############

gruss

 

[StradivariusTV]

I am a 16-year-old teenager from Euskirchen, Germany, which is near Cologne. I am in the 11th grade at Emil-Fischer-Gymnasium. I am tall, thin, and have blond hair and blue eyes.

I like listening to music, especially rock/pop and soul. I also play some instruments like the saxophone and the guitar. I play with a great interest in a big band from a nearby music school along with some of my friends. Some of my other activities are reading and meeting friends.

To earn money I work in an indoor climbing center, where I also practise climbing two times [oder twice] a week. On the weekends in summer or autumn, I occasionally spend a few hours of my spare time by a lake near to us where I meet with friends to windsurf or just swim.
During the holidays I enjoy travelling with my parents and my 19-year-old sister to get knowledge of the different cultures and regimens, what impresses me most, and the different architectures arts of each country [macht mir keinen Sinn]. My relationship with my family is usually very good apart some minor incidents. I also enjoy travelling in company of my friends, which I did this year the first time.
Even if it is sometimes a little hard I usually like school, not just because of seeing my friends. As you can see I consider myself as a many-sided [multi-faceted, viellecht?] and open-minded person and that is why I want to spend time in Australia which is known as many sided as I think I am [macht mir keinen Sinn].

 

[Brownie]

Danke, etwas zu spät, aber trotzdem danke.

Die Bewerbung wurde schon an dis zuständige Organisation verschickt.