Ich Bitte um Korrektur/Überarbeitung des Textes

Linda-b

New member
9 Juni 2009
3
1
Hallo zusammen,
ich muss in der Schule eine Vorstellung über meine Person schreiben. Ich bin leider im Englischen nicht 100%ig fit, daher bitte ich euch den Text mal durchzulesen und eventuelle Fehler zu verbessern oder/und mir Überarbeitungstipps zu geben.
Vielen Dank im vorraus.

Gruß Linda


Hello,

My name is Linda. I’m 19 years old and I’m born on the 5th April 1990 in Rheine. I come from Hörstel. Hörstel is a little town between Rheine and Ibbenbüren. In my family we are three persons my mother, my dad and I. So I have no sisters and brothers. We live in a big house with my grandparents. My other grandparents live in Hauenhorst a little town near Rheine. I have blond hair and brown eyes. I’m 1, 62 metres tall. I like to wear colourful clothes.

I’m working in Rheine by “autop” as an industrial clerk. We are building lifts for cars and trucks. Our parent group has his headquarter in Denmark in the city Copenhagen. In my company works 70 staffs including 15 in southern Germany. I like to work in this company because it’s very interested to know we are lifting up. My favourite subject in the Vocational school is Control & Monitoring. Before I work at “autop” I go to the secondary school for 6 years. There were my favourite’s subject’s math and English.

In my free time I like Standard and Latin American dancing at dancing school Jobmann in Rheine. But at the moment, I can not establish from time to dance. But after my training I would like to once again begin to dance. At this time in my free time I go to the pathfinder where do I start a group myself but I am still in another member. I care about in the 10-12 boys with 3 different head. In the other group where I am a member, we are about 16 people and everyone in my age. We do a lot of things together and also make frequent weekend. This year we are going to Hasseröder and visit a brewery. In the last October the other group members fly to Mallorca but unfortunately I could not because I am still in the trial and it was not 100% say if I could get leave.

At the weekend I take me with friends and we do something like to go for example in a pub or we go to the cinema.

I’d like to go on holiday. Usually I go in the summer as the head into the summer camp. In the last year we go to Austria and this year they drive to Belgium but I can not got with because a wedding in the cliquish and I have not enough vacation days because I leave for an internship in England need. In the last summer I go to Ibiza too. I find it’s a very nice island with a few sights. Some years we are go 2 times a year to Borkum and in my childhood, we are drive each winter after the Willingen in the Sauerland.
 
Hello,

I’m 19 years old and wasborn on April the 5th 1990 in Rheine. In my family we are three persons my mother, my dad and I. So I have no sisters and brothers. We live in a big house with my grandparents.
I’m working in Rheine at “autop” as an industrial clerk. We are building lifts for cars and trucks. Our parent group has its headquarter in Copenhagen, Denmark. My company employs 70 staffs including 15 in southern Germany.<- I like to work in this company because it’s very interesting to know we are lifting up. My favourite subject in the Vocational school is Control & Monitoring. Before I worked at “autop” I went to _ secondary school for 6 years. My favourite subjects were math and English.

In my free time I attend to the dancing school Jobmann in Rheine, learning Standard and Latin American dancing.
But at the moment, I can not establish from time to dance.
But after my training I would like to once again begin to dance.
At this time in my free time I go to the pathfinder where do I start a group myself but I am still in another member. I care about in the 10-12 boys with 3 different head. In the other group where I am a member, we are about 16 people and everyone in my age. We do a lot of things together and also make frequent weekend.
. <- Verstehe leider nicht was du ausdrücken willst

This year we are going to the Hasseröder brewery. Other group members flew to Mallorca last October, but unfortunately I couldn't because I am still in the trial and it was not 100% say if I could get a leave.

At the weekends I go out with friends, for example in a pub or to the cinema.

I’d like to go on holiday. Du möchtest gerne Ferien machen? oder du machst gerne Urlaub?
Usually I go in the summer as the head into the summer camp.
_ Last year we went to Austria and this year they willdrive to Belgium but I can not got with thembecause of a wedding in the clique and I have not enough leave days because I will need them for an internship in England _. In the last summer I went to Ibiza, too. In my oppinion it's a very beautiful island with a few nicesights. Some years _ ago we went to Borkum 2 times a year and visited Willingen in the Sauerlanf ech winter.

Hab mal kurz drübergeschaut und erste Sachen verschlimmbessert. Unbedingt auf die Vergangenheitsformen besser aufpassen! (go -> went) Grün markiert habe ich die Teile die ich überhaupt nicht verstanden habe. Da vielleicht nochmal dienen deutschen Text posten bitte.

Pfadfinder würde ich btw eher mit boy scouts übersetzen.
 
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At this time in my free time I go to the pathfinder where do I start a group myself but I am still in another member. I care about in the 10-12 boys with 3 different head. In the other group where I am a member, we are about 16 people and everyone in my age. We do a lot of things together and also make frequent weekend.

Du gehst zu den Pfadfindern und willst eine eigene Gruppe aufmachen, bist derzeit aber noch in einer andern, ja?
Du kümmerst dich zusammen mit 3 anderen Gruppenleitern um die 10-12jährige Jungs. In wieder einer anderen Gruppe seid ihr insgesamt 16 Personen, die alle in deinem Alter sund und deshalb macht ihr viel zusammen, manchmal auch am Wochenende?

Du solltest glaube ich deinen ganzen Text nochmal neu gliedern. Zum Beispiel würde ich erst erzählen das du bei den Pfadfindern bist, dort viele freundscahftliche Kontakte knüpfen konntest und mit den Leuten auch ausserhalb deiner Gruppentreffs etwas unternimmst und dann erst das du sogar gewillt bist eine neue Gruppe zu gründen. Von Pfadfindern habe ich z.B. keine Ahnung, da fände ich es toll wenn du in so einen Bericht auch mal etwas genauer reinschreibst was ihr so unternehmt und die langweiligen und eigentlich auch überflüssigen Passagen wie "Ich habe also keine Geschwister" dafür wegfallen lassen.
 
Danke

Hallo
Schon einmal vielen Dank für deine Antworten. Ich werde mich heute abend mal hinsetzten und ihn überarbeiten.
Vielen, vielen Dank für deine Überarbeitungen.
 
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Den zuletzt zitierten Teil unbedingt neu schreiben, wie gesagt ich hab beim 1. Lesen kein Wort verstanden.
 
OK

Ja werde ich dann mal später machen. Aber danke für den Hinweis.

Gruß Linda