[Englisch] - Bitte mal über die Grammatik schauen!

[Tomita]

Servus,

wir haben in Englisch ne Hausaufgabe bekommen, nen Text über einen Bericht aus dem Buch zu schreiben. Unsere Lehrer will das wahrscheinlich einsammeln, deshalb wäre es nett, wenn jemand von euch mal über die Grammatik schauen könnte!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to comment on yor report about mobile phones. I agree that parents not give mobiles to very young children and I like your idea to protect the mobiles with PINs. And you are right, that this makes the streets safer for young people.

In my opinion, thiefs of mobile phones must be punish severly, so they do bad things like this never again. Another fact is, that the government must be critical towards consumerism, because when you are young and you haven’t got a mobile phone, you are nobody.

A possibility is, that the mobile-phone-producer makes their devices at a lower price and so, everybody can provide with a mobile. Also, this is good for the treasury because mobile phones are cheaper than the police.

Yours faithfully

Gruß
Tommy

 

[tedlemegba]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to comment on yor report about mobile phones. I agree that parents should(?) not give mobiles to very young children and I like your idea to protect the mobiles with PINs. And you are right, that this (Bezug?) makes the streets safer for young people.

In my opinion, thiefs of mobile phones must be punished severly, so they do (korrekter Tempus?); tendiere zu: won't do bad things like this never again. Another fact is, that the government must be critical towards consumerism, because when you are young and you haven’t got a mobile phone, you are nobody.

A possibility is, that the mobile-phone-producer (drei Bindestriche?) make_ their devices at a lower price (kann man das so sagen?; eher irgendwas mit "cheaper"?) and so, everybody can provide with a mobile (Satzstellung ggf. falsch? "can provide everybody with ..."). Also, this is good for the treasury because mobile phones are cheaper than the police. (Das also am Anfang?)

Yours faithfully

Gruß
Tommy

Bei vielem bin ich mir unsicher, aber.. es klingt meiner Meinung nach teilweise nicht gut oder falsch. Aber wirst ja noch die ein oder andere Korrektur sehen danke ich.

 

[blubarju]

A possibility is, that ....

Ich würde lieber schreiben: One possibility is, that ....

... because mobile phones are cheaper than the police.

Ich würde lieber schreiben: ... because mobile phones are cheaper than the costs for criminal prosecution.

Grüsse, Udo

 

[Freeze]

Du hast bei your ein u vergessen.

LG
F

 

[BuddyJesus]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to comment on yor report about mobile phones. I agree that parents should not/ must not give mobiles to very young children and I like your idea to protect the mobiles with PINs. And you are right, (kein komma vor "that") in saying (würde ich hier noch einfügen) that this makes the streets safer for young people.

In my opinion, this kind of theft ought to be punished severly in order to prevent future theft attempts. Another fact is, (s.o.) that the government must be critical towards consumerism, because when you are young and you haven’t got a mobile phone, you are nobody.

A possibility is, that the mobile-phone-producer makes their devices at a lower price and so, everybody can provide with a mobile. Also, this is good for the treasury because mobile phones are cheaper than the police.

Yours faithfully

Gruß
Tommy

Hab mal ein bisschen korrigiert.
Hat meiner Meinung nach keinen Sinn den Text auf Fehler zu untersuchen, da mir ehrlich gesagt der komplette Stil nicht passt.
Ich würde den Brief ganz anders formulieren.

 

[dApLaYa]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to give some comments on your report concerning mobile phones. I concur with you that parents should restrict the access of mobiles to very young children and I especially favor your proposal to protect cell phones with PINs. Furthermore, you are totally right, that this will make the streets safer for young people.

In my opinion, thiefs of mobile phones must be punished severly, hence they wouldn't commit such a crime again.
Another important factor to consider is that particularly the government must be highly critical as far as consumer behavior respectively consumer preferences are concerned, since if you do not wear the right things or possess the latest mobile phone you are under enormous pressure and feel as being nobody.

One possibility is, that manufacturers of mobile phones could offer their products at a lower price, so that everybody can afford such a device.
Also, this is good for the treasury because mobile phones are cheaper than the police. Was meinst du mit diesem Satz?

Yours faithfully

Habe es mal anders umformuliert, vielleicht gefällt es dir ja